"So You're Saying I Have a Brain Tumor?"
Jason Bateman’s character, a rich man-child named Conrad who possesses no humanizing traits or ambition and never suffers consequences for his actions, replies: “It’s a satire”.
By this point in the film, Peter Glanz had already lost me. Conrad is the least self-aware protagonist I’ve seen in film in a while, neither growing nor learning anything of consequence during the film, falling into a specific category of man who is both cultured and ignorant. Fine. If Peter Glanz wants his first full-length feature to focus on this kind of person, fine.
The plot, which pretends to focus on rich people problems but in fact is just a rehash of every love triangle ever written, does not help this film. Once again, fine. If you really want to bring another story about how men can never trust each other when a woman’s involved, another story about how true connection is impossible, fine. It’s cynical hogwash, but there’s a place for that.
No, the thing that ruins this movie is that the creator has not only anticipated the criticism that’s about to be lobbed at his film, he heads off critics at the pass, creating unflattering portrayals of anyone who might dare to call his project “immature” or “derivative”. Because if this film is satire, it’s not a very good one. For satire to be successful, it has to have a strong point of view about the subject it is satirizing. I have no idea how to feel about Conrad and his fellow socialites. I don’t know if I’m supposed to pity them, to feel jealous of them, to identify with them, to laugh at them…I just know that, according to this film, they’re living in my city somewhere. And I know that I am tired of hearing stories about them and how they fall to pieces of they go ONE WEEK without all the money in the world.
The director goes beyond winking at the audience. It’s more the equivalent of a friend of yours shaking you by the shoulders and shouting in your ear “DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE JOKE? ACKNOWLEDGE HOW CLEVER I AM!” So putting aside my growing irritation with man-babies and all they represent in American culture, this film does not succeed in convincing me to give a damn about anything it has to say. All the talented actors in the world can’t make up for a script without meaning.
They drink Tom Collins' in this movie. I have never met a person who drinks these. Case in point.
-Drink when the film tells you what day it is
-Drink for rich people cliches
-Drink for dialogue in a foreign language
-Drink when someone or something is criticized
-Drink whenever Conrad uses a pay phone
This review was written by Hollis Beck (Krissy Pappau). "The Longest Week" is distributed by Gravitas Ventures. The film is rated "PG-13" with a run time of 86 minutes.