"What do you call that color nail polish?" "That would be clear."
So I’m a failure as a woman because I’ve never seen a movie based off a Nicholas Sparks novel until today. Not even “The Notebook”. At times I wondered if I was missing anything. If “The Longest Ride” is anything to go by, I think I’ve been spared the loss of several hours of my life.
The title “The Longest Ride” is apt. At almost two-and-a-half hours, “The Longest Ride” is a looooong movie, astoundingly long considering how little actually happens during the course of the film. The plot revolves around two different romances separated by half a century of time. The director and the writer make efforts to connect these stories to each other, but it’s a difficult sell considering the wildly different contexts they live in. It’s like Sparks had two decent ideas for romance novels but neither of them had enough substance to stand on their own, so he tried to mush them together. What results is a clumsy and superficial mess, and the creative team lacks the finesse to elevate the material to a decent level of watchability. The camera work is erratic and unfocused; at times “The Longest Ride” feels like a low-stakes action film instead of a romance, complete with stunt shots, slow-motion camera work and an unwillingness to slow the hell down and let moments land. Occasionally during the more tender moments the camera work slows its roll a little and lets itself relax, but pacing and technique issues plague the entire film.
Now, I’m no snob. I believe that romance novels and movies based off those novels can be artistically valid. I believe as long as a story is well told it does not matter what kind of story it is. However, Nicholas Sparks’ reputation as a creator of popcorn chick flicks is not unwarranted or undeserved. “The Longest Ride” especially seems to think it’s saying some profound things about love and romance, but these platitudes often come across as old-fashioned and corny. “Love requires sacrifice”, it explains, but not all sacrifices are created equal and the film refuses to explore the possibilities that both selfishness and sacrifice could bring about in a relationship. The film, as is its right as a romantic fantasy, touts a “love conquers all” message as the solution to all romantic problems, and I don’t completely buy that because our romantic leads, while possessing a decent amount of mutual chemistry, don’t build enough of a genuine connection over the course of the film for me to believe in their happily ever after. The secondary romance, told through flashbacks, is much more believable and at times more emotionally touching, but the connection to the main storyline is weak and the kind of person who is jonesing for a cowboy romance might be a little thrown by the inclusion of a Jewish-American love affair set during WWII (sadly, this is less exciting than it sounds).
Above all, this film’s greatest sin is its lack of distinguishing characteristics. The acting is fine, the story is fine, there’s nothing altogether offensive about it, but fans of the genre have seen this before. The storytelling gimmicks were not enough to hook me, and the lack of any truth at this film’s core is frustrating. You can find much better fantasies than this in a bookstore bargain bin.
DRINK:
Cheap beer. PBR is a good bet.
POSSIBLE RULES:
-Drink every time someone takes their shirt off.
-Drink when someone says their loved one's name.
-Drink for flashbacks
-Drink the entire time someone is riding a bull.
-Drink for attempted paralells between the two stories.
This review was written by Hollis Beck (Krissy Pappau). "The Longest Ride" is produced by Temple Hill Entertainment and distributed by 20th Century Fox. This film is rated "PG-13" with a run time of 139 minutes.
Now, I’m no snob. I believe that romance novels and movies based off those novels can be artistically valid. I believe as long as a story is well told it does not matter what kind of story it is. However, Nicholas Sparks’ reputation as a creator of popcorn chick flicks is not unwarranted or undeserved. “The Longest Ride” especially seems to think it’s saying some profound things about love and romance, but these platitudes often come across as old-fashioned and corny. “Love requires sacrifice”, it explains, but not all sacrifices are created equal and the film refuses to explore the possibilities that both selfishness and sacrifice could bring about in a relationship. The film, as is its right as a romantic fantasy, touts a “love conquers all” message as the solution to all romantic problems, and I don’t completely buy that because our romantic leads, while possessing a decent amount of mutual chemistry, don’t build enough of a genuine connection over the course of the film for me to believe in their happily ever after. The secondary romance, told through flashbacks, is much more believable and at times more emotionally touching, but the connection to the main storyline is weak and the kind of person who is jonesing for a cowboy romance might be a little thrown by the inclusion of a Jewish-American love affair set during WWII (sadly, this is less exciting than it sounds).
Above all, this film’s greatest sin is its lack of distinguishing characteristics. The acting is fine, the story is fine, there’s nothing altogether offensive about it, but fans of the genre have seen this before. The storytelling gimmicks were not enough to hook me, and the lack of any truth at this film’s core is frustrating. You can find much better fantasies than this in a bookstore bargain bin.
DRINK:
Cheap beer. PBR is a good bet.
POSSIBLE RULES:
-Drink every time someone takes their shirt off.
-Drink when someone says their loved one's name.
-Drink for flashbacks
-Drink the entire time someone is riding a bull.
-Drink for attempted paralells between the two stories.
This review was written by Hollis Beck (Krissy Pappau). "The Longest Ride" is produced by Temple Hill Entertainment and distributed by 20th Century Fox. This film is rated "PG-13" with a run time of 139 minutes.
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