"Do Not Speak to Me as if I Were Some Lowly Dwarf Lord...As if I Were Still Thorin Oakenshield."
When discussing “The Battle of Five Armies”, you can’t help but place it in the context of the other films. The first “Hobbit” movie was plodding and meandering, but had promise. The second film was boring as shit. The third film, in stark contrast, is both hilarious and heartwarming. Unfortunately, that’s only if you’ve seen Peter Jackson’s original stab at Tolkien’s work with his adaptation of “The Lord of the Rings”.
Yes, sadly, if you haven’t seen those films, even if you’ve read the books cover to cover and absolutely ADORE the story of “The Hobbit”, the film adaptations are not for you. These belong squarely to hardcore fans of Jackson’s specific kind of melodramatic camp. More so than any of the previous “Hobbit” films, “The Battle of Five Armies” does not stand on its own. It feels like a collection of gibberish and catchphrases, mixed together with oddly out of place physical comedy (including Ryan Gage in clumsy drag). Plot threads come and go on a whim. If you’ve read the book, you’ll know that only about twenty pages (maybe less) of the original text inspired this two and a half hour long film that completely fails to capture the spirit Tolkien intended for this story.
You might gather from my comments that I think the film is bad. On the contrary! Peter Jackson is a master filmmaker, and in this last of his most famous string of films to date he takes the story in some oddly absurdist and surrealist directions. You get the sense with this last installment of the trilogy that he’s finally having fun with the source material, even if he’s dug himself into a hole made of brooding dwarves and lackluster foreshadowing. Especially with Thorin’s storyline (who I get the feeling is the stand-in for Jackson himself), he explores the madness caused by getting everything you ever asked for and still fearing it will all be taken away from you. The thing is, and this has been the major flaw throughout the trilogy, “The Hobbit” is not Thorin’s story. It’s Bilbo’s story, and he continues to get lost in the shuffle until the very end. At some point during the climactic final battle, he is knocked unconscious. This is true to the book, but as an audience we lose nothing by forgetting about Bilbo for a good half an hour. Poor Martin Freeman seems to have a good sense of what his character’s arc is, but it’s not present on screen, and therefore nothing happening around him is linked together in any way, and the film’s attempts to do so come off as complete bullshit.
I loved the heck out of this movie because I’m a diehard Jackson fan, and I appreciate every moment of the film that calls back to the “Lord of the Rings” movies, right down to Legolas’ improbable stunts and the sweeping pans of the New Zealand countryside. It’s all so glorious to me, but that’s only because I’m ready and willing to laugh at it and know that despite its flaws I will continue to love it. People being introduced to Jackson’s films through the “Hobbit” trilogy might find themselves lost, and even confused as to why the first films were so thoroughly hyped. If nothing else, they stand as a testament to the power of melodrama and sentimentality, two vital weapons that Jackson wields with aplomb.
DRINK:
A hearty ale, or Goldshlager if you can get your hands on it.
POSSIBLE RULES:
-Drink whenever Legolas does something impossible/ridiculous
-Drink when a dwarf is called by name
-Drink when anyone is called by a title or nickname
-Drink when future events are foreshadowed. Saruman saying with full confidence "Leave Sauron to me" just...just made me so happy.
-Drink whenever a piece of treasure is mentioned. This includes the One Ring.
This review was written by Hollis Beck (Krissy Pappau). "The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies" is produced by New Line Cinema, MGM and Wingnut Films, and distributed by Warner Brothers Studios. The film is rated "PG-13", with a run time of 144 minutes.
You might gather from my comments that I think the film is bad. On the contrary! Peter Jackson is a master filmmaker, and in this last of his most famous string of films to date he takes the story in some oddly absurdist and surrealist directions. You get the sense with this last installment of the trilogy that he’s finally having fun with the source material, even if he’s dug himself into a hole made of brooding dwarves and lackluster foreshadowing. Especially with Thorin’s storyline (who I get the feeling is the stand-in for Jackson himself), he explores the madness caused by getting everything you ever asked for and still fearing it will all be taken away from you. The thing is, and this has been the major flaw throughout the trilogy, “The Hobbit” is not Thorin’s story. It’s Bilbo’s story, and he continues to get lost in the shuffle until the very end. At some point during the climactic final battle, he is knocked unconscious. This is true to the book, but as an audience we lose nothing by forgetting about Bilbo for a good half an hour. Poor Martin Freeman seems to have a good sense of what his character’s arc is, but it’s not present on screen, and therefore nothing happening around him is linked together in any way, and the film’s attempts to do so come off as complete bullshit.
I loved the heck out of this movie because I’m a diehard Jackson fan, and I appreciate every moment of the film that calls back to the “Lord of the Rings” movies, right down to Legolas’ improbable stunts and the sweeping pans of the New Zealand countryside. It’s all so glorious to me, but that’s only because I’m ready and willing to laugh at it and know that despite its flaws I will continue to love it. People being introduced to Jackson’s films through the “Hobbit” trilogy might find themselves lost, and even confused as to why the first films were so thoroughly hyped. If nothing else, they stand as a testament to the power of melodrama and sentimentality, two vital weapons that Jackson wields with aplomb.
DRINK:
A hearty ale, or Goldshlager if you can get your hands on it.
POSSIBLE RULES:
-Drink whenever Legolas does something impossible/ridiculous
-Drink when a dwarf is called by name
-Drink when anyone is called by a title or nickname
-Drink when future events are foreshadowed. Saruman saying with full confidence "Leave Sauron to me" just...just made me so happy.
-Drink whenever a piece of treasure is mentioned. This includes the One Ring.
This review was written by Hollis Beck (Krissy Pappau). "The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies" is produced by New Line Cinema, MGM and Wingnut Films, and distributed by Warner Brothers Studios. The film is rated "PG-13", with a run time of 144 minutes.
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