"Do You Know the Way to the Great Valley?"
There's one scene that all of you remember from this movie: Littlefoot's mother dies after fending off a gigantic Tyrannosaurus Rex during an earthquake. It's one of the saddest animated movie deaths of all time, and it's not even Disney produced.
Did you know there's a PLOT? And really cool characters? And deep spiritual undertones?
I remembered the first fifteen minutes of this movie, the ending, and not much else. What gives? Speaking for our merry band, it's not that we forgot the details of this movie. We repressed them.
Did you know there's a PLOT? And really cool characters? And deep spiritual undertones?
I remembered the first fifteen minutes of this movie, the ending, and not much else. What gives? Speaking for our merry band, it's not that we forgot the details of this movie. We repressed them.
"The Land Before Booze": The Rules
I invented a drink for this game called the Tree Star. I'm very proud of it, so if you use it, please give credit to me. You can make one by mixing:
2 shots of vodka
1/2-1 shot of green creme de menthe
Seltzer water
The result is a refreshing beverage that brings to mind rainwater falling off a palm leaf.
2 shots of vodka
1/2-1 shot of green creme de menthe
Seltzer water
The result is a refreshing beverage that brings to mind rainwater falling off a palm leaf.
Look how pretty!
Easy Mode
1. Drink for Title Drops. This only happens once this time, but it's a good way to start off the game for everybody.
2. Drink for Daddy Issues.
3. Drink when they Drink. Unfortunately, this never happens. The movie's depressing that way.
4. Drink whenever someone says the words "Tree Star".
5. Drink whenever somebody mentions "The Great Valley".
Medium Mode
All of the above rules apply. Also...
1. Drink whenever Ducky says "Yup, yup, yup" or "nope, nope, nope". This one's fun to chime in on.
2. Drink whenever someone says "Sharptooth". Again, since this word is mostly screamed, very fun to repeat before drinking.
Hard Mode
All of the above rules apply. Also...
1. Drink whenever a character goes through a near-death experience. Drink twice if a character actually dies.
2. Drink whenever somebody breaks something.
This is a short movie, so this accounts for the more difficult rules. If you get nervous, just remember, you're a flyer, not a faller.
1. Drink for Title Drops. This only happens once this time, but it's a good way to start off the game for everybody.
2. Drink for Daddy Issues.
3. Drink when they Drink. Unfortunately, this never happens. The movie's depressing that way.
4. Drink whenever someone says the words "Tree Star".
5. Drink whenever somebody mentions "The Great Valley".
Medium Mode
All of the above rules apply. Also...
1. Drink whenever Ducky says "Yup, yup, yup" or "nope, nope, nope". This one's fun to chime in on.
2. Drink whenever someone says "Sharptooth". Again, since this word is mostly screamed, very fun to repeat before drinking.
Hard Mode
All of the above rules apply. Also...
1. Drink whenever a character goes through a near-death experience. Drink twice if a character actually dies.
2. Drink whenever somebody breaks something.
This is a short movie, so this accounts for the more difficult rules. If you get nervous, just remember, you're a flyer, not a faller.
Those words have helped many brave souls.
The Players
Our onscreen players this time are Krissy Pappau (me), Sandy B'Drinkin, and Shirley Whiskas. They were asked to talk about what they remembered about the movie. Maybe it should have been called "The Land Before Time Forgot", amarite?
Our offscreen players are...
Seb: Wants a pet triceratops (Easy)
The Fuzzy Masked Man: PhD in sexy rock formations (Medium)
The Bishop: Cried for the first time watching this movie (Hard)
Let's take a journey to a terrifying wasteland. Here's The Land Before Time!
Seb: Wants a pet triceratops (Easy)
The Fuzzy Masked Man: PhD in sexy rock formations (Medium)
The Bishop: Cried for the first time watching this movie (Hard)
Let's take a journey to a terrifying wasteland. Here's The Land Before Time!
Reading Between the Lines
Like most kids movies, The Land Before Time has both a surface plot and several underground plots that make the movie relevant and interesting for the adult audience that is forced to sit through it. The mark of a great children's movie, or any movie really, is the absolute secrecy of the underground plots. You should only be able to see what they are if you're really looking.
This movie does not pass that test.
The Land Before Time is about a group of young dinosaurs who have been separated from their parents and don't really know what they're doing. They're trying to find the Great Valley (drink), but they don't know anything about it, just that it's going to be awesome once they get there. They're heading West (a pretty common direction to go for a Journey of Discovery plotline) and they're routinely attacked by the ONLY T-Rex in the movie, who is obsessed with finishing the job he started when he killed Littlefoot's Mom.
"I don't think he's following them. I think they're all just trying to get to the Great Valley." -Seb
We spitballed some allegories to try and find the true one: Manifest Destiny, The Dustbowl, your more general "Finding God" storyline. These sync up pretty nicely, but they don't quite hit the nail on the head. Then I remembered a piece of trivia I'd heard a while back: Don Bluth is a practicing member of the Church of Latter Day Saints.
And then the entire movie clicked.
A huge theme of the film is the power of faith, of believing in something that you might not have tangible proof of. Littlefoot has never seen the Great Valley. All he's got is his Mom's word that it's real and some vague guidelines that tell him how to get there. In this way, he's acting as our little Brigham Young taking the rest of his friends across the desert to Salt Lake City.
Whoah.
This sheds a lot of light on Littlefoot as a protagonist, as well. As pointed out by The Fuzzy Masked Man, he wasn't born into greatness. He was born into a pretty bad situation, and there's nothing particularly special about him except his dead Mom. But he has the power to lead, and he has great faith, and he's rewarded for those traits above all else. The only help he gets is from a godlike creature called Rooter who dispenses generic wisdom, and his companions. Otherwise he's at the mercy of the wilderness, just like the Mormons during their journey centuries ago.
And then the entire movie clicked.
A huge theme of the film is the power of faith, of believing in something that you might not have tangible proof of. Littlefoot has never seen the Great Valley. All he's got is his Mom's word that it's real and some vague guidelines that tell him how to get there. In this way, he's acting as our little Brigham Young taking the rest of his friends across the desert to Salt Lake City.
Whoah.
This sheds a lot of light on Littlefoot as a protagonist, as well. As pointed out by The Fuzzy Masked Man, he wasn't born into greatness. He was born into a pretty bad situation, and there's nothing particularly special about him except his dead Mom. But he has the power to lead, and he has great faith, and he's rewarded for those traits above all else. The only help he gets is from a godlike creature called Rooter who dispenses generic wisdom, and his companions. Otherwise he's at the mercy of the wilderness, just like the Mormons during their journey centuries ago.
The sequel where Littlefoot goes on to found his own religion is lost forever, unfortunately
Speaking of Wilderness...
This movie is DARK. The journey to the Great Valley is not an easy one, and the Sharptooth (drink!) is the least of our heroes' worries. Even before the earthquake that comes out of nowhere and fucks shit up, we see several scenes with backdrops littered with dinosaur skeletons. Cera at one point gets chased by a boneheaded creature who seemingly comes out of nowhere. Hell, Littlefoot was almost never born. He almost got stolen away by some egg-eating dino.
And then, you know, there's this scene...
And then, you know, there's this scene...
Oh, God, drink. Drink to drown the sadness.
The movie drags this death OUT. It's almost self-indulgent. At least Mufasa had the decency to die quickly. We weren't forced to watch him tell Simba he loved him until his last breath was forced from his body.
But what's most sad about this movie isn't Littlefoot's mother dying: It's how Littlefoot DEALS with her death. He plays jumprope with the five stages of grief, and spends a good ten minutes of the movie extremely depressed. At one point, he sees a shadow of himself on a cliff wall, assumes it's his Mom and runs towards it, only realizing he's wrong when he's licking rock instead of his Mom's face.
But what's most sad about this movie isn't Littlefoot's mother dying: It's how Littlefoot DEALS with her death. He plays jumprope with the five stages of grief, and spends a good ten minutes of the movie extremely depressed. At one point, he sees a shadow of himself on a cliff wall, assumes it's his Mom and runs towards it, only realizing he's wrong when he's licking rock instead of his Mom's face.
"I think Littlefoot's actually just tripping balls"-The Fuzzy Masked Man
Huh...I guess that's kind of like that "He lives in you" stuff in the Lion King. Like, his Mom's not really gone, she lives on through him. These two movies have really weird parallels.
Well, I'm sure the similarities end there. It's not like both movies show the deceased parent in the clouds or...
Well, I'm sure the similarities end there. It's not like both movies show the deceased parent in the clouds or...
Oh, come on.
Disney, do we need to have a talk with you?
Trippy Perspective
A brief look at how the animators could not keep the sizes of all of the dinosaurs straight. Here's Spike when he first hatched.
Dawwww.
Now here he is a couple scenes later.
DawwwAAAAAAAAA!
Spike just grew four times his size in a matter of minutes. This happened earlier with Littlefoot and Cera, too. Cera used to be much bigger than Littlefoot, and then a scene later they were the same size.
"Well, maybe a couple weeks passed. Dinosaurs have to grow big really quickly," said the Fuzzy Masked Man.
"But there IS no time," countered Sandy B'Drinkin.
Point made.
"Well, maybe a couple weeks passed. Dinosaurs have to grow big really quickly," said the Fuzzy Masked Man.
"But there IS no time," countered Sandy B'Drinkin.
Point made.
The Economics of Berries in a Survivalist Hierarchy
Think I might have been reading too much into the movie when I was talking about Mormonism earlier? You don't even want to HEAR what we had to say about this movie's take on Capitalism.
In a light comedic scene in the middle of the depressing stuff, a quad of bird siblings fight over one red berry. It plays like a game of touch football; they all get their hands on it at some point, but none of them keep it for long.
"That is exactly what siblings are like," said Shirley Whiskas.
"That is the current state of the economy," followed The Bishop, taking the left fork in the road where their thoughts converged.
Later, a hoard of Longnecks (who DON'T offer to show our heroes the way to the Great Valley) pillage a small grove of trees, leaving only the meagrest of Tree Stars for Littlefoot and friends.
"Guys," Sandy said, "They just demonstrated the tragedy of the commons!"
My economic beef? Littlefoot's toting around this Tree Star because his mother gave it to him, but meanwhile everyone around him is starving. Eventually the Tree Star gets smushed by a rampaging Sharptooth, so I feel like he should have eaten it while he had the chance. Why sit on your only resource until it becomes useless?
In a light comedic scene in the middle of the depressing stuff, a quad of bird siblings fight over one red berry. It plays like a game of touch football; they all get their hands on it at some point, but none of them keep it for long.
"That is exactly what siblings are like," said Shirley Whiskas.
"That is the current state of the economy," followed The Bishop, taking the left fork in the road where their thoughts converged.
Later, a hoard of Longnecks (who DON'T offer to show our heroes the way to the Great Valley) pillage a small grove of trees, leaving only the meagrest of Tree Stars for Littlefoot and friends.
"Guys," Sandy said, "They just demonstrated the tragedy of the commons!"
My economic beef? Littlefoot's toting around this Tree Star because his mother gave it to him, but meanwhile everyone around him is starving. Eventually the Tree Star gets smushed by a rampaging Sharptooth, so I feel like he should have eaten it while he had the chance. Why sit on your only resource until it becomes useless?
Misuse of capital.
Cera Smash!
I've used the "breaking things" rule before, in The Goonies review. It's generally a safe bet in any movie featuring rambunctious youth. Our main hooligan is Cera, who likes to ram her head into rocks for fun.
First your egg, then the rocks, then your world.
As you may have gleaned from the opening video, Cera didn't endear herself to us. She's kind of a bully, she's very stubborn, and she's a racist. Or rather, Daddy Tops (that is his actual name) is racist and she believes whatever he says (we considered that "daddy issues", but it's honestly a toss up).
"I feel like we're being overly mean to a child, here," Shirley eventually said as we continued to make catty remarks about her whenever she went onscreen. Although she recinded her remark when Cera attempted to headbutt an unconcious Sharptooth. Mean is mean, but stupid is stupid.
"I feel like we're being overly mean to a child, here," Shirley eventually said as we continued to make catty remarks about her whenever she went onscreen. Although she recinded her remark when Cera attempted to headbutt an unconcious Sharptooth. Mean is mean, but stupid is stupid.
The Results
After the movie, we discussed all the great things in it we had forgotten about.
We had a lot of fun with this movie. We screamed along during the scary moments, we cried at the sad moments, we felt uplifted by the characters...but we didn't get too drunk. Or maybe we were so filled with adrenaline that we didn't notice. Regardless, here's a couple additional rules.
Drink whenever someone screams.
According to Wikipedia, there are several scenes that were left on the cutting room floor because Steven Spielberg thought they would be "too disturbing" for a young audience. Most likely, if they cut any more, there wouldn't be a movie. Get through the traumatizing moments with a swing of alcohol.
Drink for flashbacks
This is mostly a "Hail Mary" for the end of the movie so you can finish whatever's in your cup, but most of what Littlefoot does when he's all by his lonesome is remember the things his Mother told him. It's a big dead space in the film that's easy to fill.
Drink whenever someone says something racist.
Aside from the huge theological themes, this movie also talks about how even though we look different we're all really the same. We're all dinosaurs...I mean, human. But boy, it sure takes our characters a long time to learn that. Use this rule whenever someone defines themselves or others by their physical deformaties.
Thanks again for joining us, guys! Remember to follow us and watch out for next week's movie!
Drink whenever someone screams.
According to Wikipedia, there are several scenes that were left on the cutting room floor because Steven Spielberg thought they would be "too disturbing" for a young audience. Most likely, if they cut any more, there wouldn't be a movie. Get through the traumatizing moments with a swing of alcohol.
Drink for flashbacks
This is mostly a "Hail Mary" for the end of the movie so you can finish whatever's in your cup, but most of what Littlefoot does when he's all by his lonesome is remember the things his Mother told him. It's a big dead space in the film that's easy to fill.
Drink whenever someone says something racist.
Aside from the huge theological themes, this movie also talks about how even though we look different we're all really the same. We're all dinosaurs...I mean, human. But boy, it sure takes our characters a long time to learn that. Use this rule whenever someone defines themselves or others by their physical deformaties.
Thanks again for joining us, guys! Remember to follow us and watch out for next week's movie!
May Rooter be with you.
Follow us @KrissyPappau for bonus quotes and updates!
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