To Boldly Go Where Few Have Tread
This is the "Godfather" of bad movies. Or we've all been told.
Let's set the scene: it's 2002. Eddie Murphy is riding a giant wave of notoriety that he found in the late 80's. A man who gained fame for being subversive, intelligent and often downright batshit, is now a household name. He just voiced a talking donkey in Shrek, and my God, he's proven that talented actors can still make money and make relevant movies with great performances. He worried us a little bit with some of his choices; "The Nutty Professor" and "Doctor Doolittle" aren't exactly high art. But those are just kids' movies, right? You can't expect Eddie Murphy to go all "Raw" in a children's movie. If you do, you're disgusting.
Enter Pluto Nash.
Pluto Nash is not a children's movie. Children's movies, often, are fun. Pluto Nash is a carefully crafted, billion dollar flop that was designed to hit all the right buttons. It followed the film formula to a "t", it got some of the biggest names in Hollywood, it spared no expense with special effects (and for 2002, this movie at least LOOKS fairly decent). But it wasn't good. It was never going to BE good. All Murphy's involvement did was bring its badness to the public eye. Without him, it would have been an easily forgettable B-movie with some "Hey!"-worthy celebrity sightings.
Pluto Nash is the movie Murphy should never have made. But as we sat down to actually watch it, we wondered: is this really the worst flop of all time? Or do we just believe that because it's what we've been told? Does the movie actually SUCK as hard as they say? Could it have been saved? Can things possibly have been any worse?
You may be surprised at what we found.
Let's set the scene: it's 2002. Eddie Murphy is riding a giant wave of notoriety that he found in the late 80's. A man who gained fame for being subversive, intelligent and often downright batshit, is now a household name. He just voiced a talking donkey in Shrek, and my God, he's proven that talented actors can still make money and make relevant movies with great performances. He worried us a little bit with some of his choices; "The Nutty Professor" and "Doctor Doolittle" aren't exactly high art. But those are just kids' movies, right? You can't expect Eddie Murphy to go all "Raw" in a children's movie. If you do, you're disgusting.
Enter Pluto Nash.
Pluto Nash is not a children's movie. Children's movies, often, are fun. Pluto Nash is a carefully crafted, billion dollar flop that was designed to hit all the right buttons. It followed the film formula to a "t", it got some of the biggest names in Hollywood, it spared no expense with special effects (and for 2002, this movie at least LOOKS fairly decent). But it wasn't good. It was never going to BE good. All Murphy's involvement did was bring its badness to the public eye. Without him, it would have been an easily forgettable B-movie with some "Hey!"-worthy celebrity sightings.
Pluto Nash is the movie Murphy should never have made. But as we sat down to actually watch it, we wondered: is this really the worst flop of all time? Or do we just believe that because it's what we've been told? Does the movie actually SUCK as hard as they say? Could it have been saved? Can things possibly have been any worse?
You may be surprised at what we found.
"The Drunken Misadventures of Pluto Nash": The Rules
This movie takes place on the moon.
Yeah, I know. But that gives you some freedom to make a really weird, really STRONG drink to go with it. We made a variation of "Galactic Lemonade" using Blue Curacao, peach lemonade and gin.
Yeah, I know. But that gives you some freedom to make a really weird, really STRONG drink to go with it. We made a variation of "Galactic Lemonade" using Blue Curacao, peach lemonade and gin.
Your tastebuds will be just as confused as your brain.
Easy Mode
1. Drink for Title Drops. For easy mode, that's every time someone says "The Adventures of Pluto Nash".
2. Drink for Daddy Issues
3. Drink when they drink. Pluto owns a nightclub. Have fun.
4. Drink for the first appearance of a celebrity who you believe can do better than this film. You should be able to name the celebrity. Otherwise, you'll just be drinking constantly.
5. Drink for sexual innuendo, or a joke based around sex.
Medium Mode
All the above rules apply. Also...
1. Title Drops: Drink whenever someone says "Pluto Nash".
2. Drink for references to space.
3. Drink for action sequences
Hard Mode
All the above rules apply. Also...
1. Drink when a person playing the game actually groans because a joke is so bad.
2. Drink for filmmaking cliches.
1. Drink for Title Drops. For easy mode, that's every time someone says "The Adventures of Pluto Nash".
2. Drink for Daddy Issues
3. Drink when they drink. Pluto owns a nightclub. Have fun.
4. Drink for the first appearance of a celebrity who you believe can do better than this film. You should be able to name the celebrity. Otherwise, you'll just be drinking constantly.
5. Drink for sexual innuendo, or a joke based around sex.
Medium Mode
All the above rules apply. Also...
1. Title Drops: Drink whenever someone says "Pluto Nash".
2. Drink for references to space.
3. Drink for action sequences
Hard Mode
All the above rules apply. Also...
1. Drink when a person playing the game actually groans because a joke is so bad.
2. Drink for filmmaking cliches.
My personal favorite being "I don't know which one to shoot!"
The Players
The players for this game are...
Krissy Pappau: Already regrets this decision (Hard)
Pooh Daddy: Volunteered to operate the camera (Easy)
Dame Poppy Middleton: Wants the blue curacao to be GONE (Easy)
Williams: Lost track of the plot (Easy)
Big Moose: Caught the "Day the Earth Stood Still" reference. Can YOU? (Medium)
Gunter: Film Major. Nuff said. (Hard)
One small step for film...one giant leap for people who watch bad films. It's Pluto Nash.
Krissy Pappau: Already regrets this decision (Hard)
Pooh Daddy: Volunteered to operate the camera (Easy)
Dame Poppy Middleton: Wants the blue curacao to be GONE (Easy)
Williams: Lost track of the plot (Easy)
Big Moose: Caught the "Day the Earth Stood Still" reference. Can YOU? (Medium)
Gunter: Film Major. Nuff said. (Hard)
One small step for film...one giant leap for people who watch bad films. It's Pluto Nash.
The Spectrum of Badness
Let me begin by saying this: I will never "defend" Pluto Nash.
This is not a good movie. It is, in fact, a largely unenjoyably BAD movie. It makes no attempts to be original, the actors look bored, and OH MY GOD, did they just rip off the Futurama opening theme AND butcher "Blue Moon" at the same time?
This is not a good movie. It is, in fact, a largely unenjoyably BAD movie. It makes no attempts to be original, the actors look bored, and OH MY GOD, did they just rip off the Futurama opening theme AND butcher "Blue Moon" at the same time?
IT'S NO COINCIDENCE, FUTURAMA CAME OUT THE YEAR BEFORE.
But this movie is by no means one of the worst movies I've ever seen. We'd ALL seen worse films. Big Moose admitted that if he'd seen Pluto Nash on television, he wouldn't necessarily change the channel. Williams even said...she liked...the movie.
But this movie is by no means one of the worst movies I've ever seen. We'd ALL seen worse films. Big Moose admitted that if he'd seen Pluto Nash on television, he wouldn't necessarily change the channel. Williams even said...she liked...the movie.
"I mean, the parts I understand, I'm enjoying". -Williams
Williams isn't alone. Go on any website talking about this movie and you'll find people defending it. There are people OUT THERE who legitimately thought this was quality entertainment, and not in an "it's so bad it's good" way. I'll go so far as to say that it's not even in my top ten worst movies I've ever seen.
For comparison's sake, one of those movies on that list is one we've reviewed before.
For comparison's sake, one of those movies on that list is one we've reviewed before.
Oh my GAWWWD, this MOVIE!
For those who haven't read my review, Burt Wonderstone is only technically better than Pluto Nash because its actors are trying to be in a good movie. But it's plagued with many of the same problems: high budget, overlong development time (5 years to Pluto Nash's 12), all-star cast, and a loose grip on the definition of "comedy". Both films would probably have done better to play it straight and let the humor come from the absurdity of the premise.
What made Burt Wonderstone SO terrible and SO hard to watch for me was that Burt Wonderstone actively offended me. Burt Wonderstone made jokes about suicide, about children dying of hunger in Cambodia, about suffering brain damage, about drugging an audience of paying customers, about PUPPY DEATH, and at no point in time did they temper this offensive material with anything FUN. The writers did not understand how dark humor worked, and the plot was so offensively formulaic that it killed anything the actors or director were trying to do.
Pluto Nash, by comparison, completely understands how comedy works. It understands how all films work. It understands TOO well. Watching Pluto Nash is like watching a full-grown adult fill in a child's color-by-numbers book. It looks pretty, and technically you're doing everything correctly, but the product is soulless and pointless. Nobody involved learns anything about coloring OR about art. So Pluto Nash offers a joke up to the audience, a joke that should work based on the way film is written, the audience lets it fall to the ground. People who watch movies are smart enough to spot when people aren't trying. And Pluto Nash never tried. It's no coincidence that the funniest character in the movie is an outdated robot.
What made Burt Wonderstone SO terrible and SO hard to watch for me was that Burt Wonderstone actively offended me. Burt Wonderstone made jokes about suicide, about children dying of hunger in Cambodia, about suffering brain damage, about drugging an audience of paying customers, about PUPPY DEATH, and at no point in time did they temper this offensive material with anything FUN. The writers did not understand how dark humor worked, and the plot was so offensively formulaic that it killed anything the actors or director were trying to do.
Pluto Nash, by comparison, completely understands how comedy works. It understands how all films work. It understands TOO well. Watching Pluto Nash is like watching a full-grown adult fill in a child's color-by-numbers book. It looks pretty, and technically you're doing everything correctly, but the product is soulless and pointless. Nobody involved learns anything about coloring OR about art. So Pluto Nash offers a joke up to the audience, a joke that should work based on the way film is written, the audience lets it fall to the ground. People who watch movies are smart enough to spot when people aren't trying. And Pluto Nash never tried. It's no coincidence that the funniest character in the movie is an outdated robot.
"You know what, though, PEOPLE are just cliches". -Williams
There is ONE scene that approaches Burt Wonderstone's level of bad, and that's this one.
See, THAT'S what it looks like when a bad movie TRIES to be funny.
Wild Theories
The concept of Pluto Nash is fairly simple. Take any old gangster movie. Set it on the moon. Hilarity (hopefully) ensues. Because the filmmakers didn't do their homework, a lot of the details of how this world works are fuzzy.
So we did the work for them.
The major question that is never answered during the course of the film is, HOW did people end up on the moon? Why are we on the moon when some people are still down on Earth? Gunter put forth an explanation: the moon is 2087's version of Australia. It's a penal colony.
The more you think about it, the more sense it makes. That's why everyone's got a gun. That's why half the businesses seem to do sketchy side-jobs under the table. Pluto and several other characters did time in prison, and what other characters there are claim to be former police officers. So the moon is just a final destination for the unsaveable criminal minds of Earth.
So we did the work for them.
The major question that is never answered during the course of the film is, HOW did people end up on the moon? Why are we on the moon when some people are still down on Earth? Gunter put forth an explanation: the moon is 2087's version of Australia. It's a penal colony.
The more you think about it, the more sense it makes. That's why everyone's got a gun. That's why half the businesses seem to do sketchy side-jobs under the table. Pluto and several other characters did time in prison, and what other characters there are claim to be former police officers. So the moon is just a final destination for the unsaveable criminal minds of Earth.
"I'll say to my children, 'Look at the moon. If you misbehave, that's where I'll send you!'" -Poppy
On the one hand, this theory just creates more questions. For example, Hillary Clinton's face is on every dollar bill (once again, a gag that SHOULD work, but falls flat). Did she have some hand in this mass exodus to the moon? Given her husband's stance on space exploration, this seems unlikely. HOW DID YOU ALL GET UP THERE, GODDAMMIT?
On the other hand, if the moon is a penal colony, that would certainly explain the shitty bathrooms we see in Pluto's club.
On the other hand, if the moon is a penal colony, that would certainly explain the shitty bathrooms we see in Pluto's club.
"They couldn't come up with better things that urinals 80 years in the future?" -Pooh Daddy
Does Anyone DESERVE This?
It's hard to blame actors for their career choices. Some choices are obviously bad in hindsight, but the decision to be in Pluto Nash must have seemed perfectly sound at some point. Part of the rage against this movie is that audiences had rarely seen such a big-budget let-down before the early 2000's.
A year later, audiences were introduced to low-budget let-downs.
So drinking for a celebrity who doesn't deserve to be seen in this film is a subjective rule. We could all agree, for example, that Peter Boyle was way too good for this movie, despite the fact that he sold out long ago by signing onto "Everybody Loves Raymond".
Rest in Peace, you magnificent bastard.
However, there was some contention about John Cleese and his cameo as a holographic GPS unit. I argue that any member of the Python's Flying Circus should not have to endure the shame of anything less than brilliant comedy. Big Moose disagreed with me, citing his poor film record in the past 20 years.
"By this point," he argued, "he totally deserves to be here."
"By this point," he argued, "he totally deserves to be here."
After discovering his most recent film role, I sort of agree.
Generally, I drank for any celebrity whose name I could remember off the top of my head, with one noticeable exception: Jay Mohr.
What? Who's Jay Mohr?
What? Who's Jay Mohr?
Look familiar?
In a way, I should really respect Jay Mohr. A constant contributor to the country's stand-up comedy scene, he's been touring for years, has numerous credits on film AND TV, and for a while produced and hosted a moderately successful reality show called "Last Comic Standing", which showcased up-and-coming comedians (including some who are famous now). He's done a lot of things to help other comedians be funny and be seen.
But I have never seen a more mediocre IMDB page than Jay Mohr's. The first credit that comes up when you search his name is, sadly, "Pluto Nash". He has somehow managed to avoid his fifteen minutes of fame, instead jumping from one mildly quirky supporting role to the next. I'm sure the man has made a lot of money, and I'm sure he has a lot of famous friends.
But I do not take a drink for Jay Mohr's presence in this film. Because he never moved on. This is just one credit in a sea of credits that everyone's seen but few remember.
Also, he was in "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone". So he clearly has no taste.
But I have never seen a more mediocre IMDB page than Jay Mohr's. The first credit that comes up when you search his name is, sadly, "Pluto Nash". He has somehow managed to avoid his fifteen minutes of fame, instead jumping from one mildly quirky supporting role to the next. I'm sure the man has made a lot of money, and I'm sure he has a lot of famous friends.
But I do not take a drink for Jay Mohr's presence in this film. Because he never moved on. This is just one credit in a sea of credits that everyone's seen but few remember.
Also, he was in "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone". So he clearly has no taste.
GIVE ME MY TWO HOURS BACK, BURT WONDERSTONE
The Results
Working on it
Medium and Hard mode averaged a drink every twenty minutes or so. So those who dared to drink big got a big payoff. But once again, Easy Mode is much too easy. For those who'd prefer to shoot off into orbit, here are some extra rules.
Drink when you catch an actor phoning it in.
This is also pretty subjective, but you can usually tell. Peter Boyle was a major offender.
Drink when characters use technology that we use today.
This can get out of hand, but I'm talking about stuff that wasn't widespread in 2002. Like video chatting.
Drink when Quaid's character calls Pluto Nash "Boss".
Apart from the sex jokes, that's all his character does.
Drink when you catch an actor phoning it in.
This is also pretty subjective, but you can usually tell. Peter Boyle was a major offender.
Drink when characters use technology that we use today.
This can get out of hand, but I'm talking about stuff that wasn't widespread in 2002. Like video chatting.
Drink when Quaid's character calls Pluto Nash "Boss".
Apart from the sex jokes, that's all his character does.
"Robot sex must be awful." -Poppy
Thanks for reading, everyone! Next time we're going to watch our very first Disney animated feature! Which one have we chosen?
Before Disney heroes had to talk, there was Dumbo.
Like what you see? Follow us on Facebook and Twitter, at For Your Inebriation and @KrissyPappau respectively. You'll get weekly updates, behind the scenes drunk talk, and other chatter!
For Your Inebriation is written by Krissy Pappau (Hollis Beck). Video footage is taken by Pooh Daddy (Vincent Graham) and edited by Seb (Amy Yourd). All "The Adventures of Pluto Nash" images are owned by Castle Rock Entertainment and Warner Bros.
For Your Inebriation is written by Krissy Pappau (Hollis Beck). Video footage is taken by Pooh Daddy (Vincent Graham) and edited by Seb (Amy Yourd). All "The Adventures of Pluto Nash" images are owned by Castle Rock Entertainment and Warner Bros.
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