This Game will Curl Your Hair
There are currently two movie versions of the hit Broadway musical “Annie”, with a third in production starring Quvhenzhane Wallis as the title character. I totally want to play this game with the upcoming remake, but some attention should be paid to the very first (and what looks to be the very worst) adaptation.
Made in 1982, this “Annie” is the very definition of cheeseball. At least, that’s what you come away remembering. With several songs that were made just for the movie, some hamtastic performances by children and adults alike, and a fuzzy understanding of what translates well from stage to screen, this movie manages to split critics right down the middle in terms of its merit. However, upon watching it again, we rediscovered some pretty dark storytelling elements, as well as some incredibly dated conventions, and we can proudly say…we’re still pretty split. Some aspects of this movie are marvelous. Some make you want to gouge your eyes out. It’s your standard three star movie.
What this movie does have plenty of is heart, and some serious effort went into its creation. A lot of it does NOT pay off. That’s where the alcohol comes in. At least you know that you’ve got a great drinking buddy in Ms. Hannigan.
Made in 1982, this “Annie” is the very definition of cheeseball. At least, that’s what you come away remembering. With several songs that were made just for the movie, some hamtastic performances by children and adults alike, and a fuzzy understanding of what translates well from stage to screen, this movie manages to split critics right down the middle in terms of its merit. However, upon watching it again, we rediscovered some pretty dark storytelling elements, as well as some incredibly dated conventions, and we can proudly say…we’re still pretty split. Some aspects of this movie are marvelous. Some make you want to gouge your eyes out. It’s your standard three star movie.
What this movie does have plenty of is heart, and some serious effort went into its creation. A lot of it does NOT pay off. That’s where the alcohol comes in. At least you know that you’ve got a great drinking buddy in Ms. Hannigan.
"Annie (A Broadway Boozical)": The Rules
We fashioned ourselves some Shirley Temples with an adult twist. Ours were made using ginger ale, grenadine and rum, but you can substitute any liquor you’d like.
Make sure somebody's there to hold you when you play this game
Easy Mode
1. Drink for title drops. That’s every time they say the name “Annie”. Woof.
2. Drink when they drink. Oh, we LOVE you Ms. Hannigan.
3. Drink for Daddy Issues. Please be reminded that half of the characters are orphans.
4. Drink every time a song gets a reprise. Some songs get more than one.
5. Drink for catchphrases. “Leapin Lizards!”
Medium Mode
All the above rules apply. Also…
1. Drink for song title drops. The killers for this game are “Maybe” and “Tomorrow”.
Hard Mode
All the above rules apply. Also…
1. Drink when someone says the word “orphan”. Just often enough to have hard mode make a difference.
1. Drink for title drops. That’s every time they say the name “Annie”. Woof.
2. Drink when they drink. Oh, we LOVE you Ms. Hannigan.
3. Drink for Daddy Issues. Please be reminded that half of the characters are orphans.
4. Drink every time a song gets a reprise. Some songs get more than one.
5. Drink for catchphrases. “Leapin Lizards!”
Medium Mode
All the above rules apply. Also…
1. Drink for song title drops. The killers for this game are “Maybe” and “Tomorrow”.
Hard Mode
All the above rules apply. Also…
1. Drink when someone says the word “orphan”. Just often enough to have hard mode make a difference.
STOP STARING AT ME
The Players
Our players for this game are…
Krissy Pappau: Forgot about half these songs (Medium)
The Fuzzy Masked Man: Amazed at the amount of panty shots (Easy)
Some Guy: Believes Hannigan missed an opportunity to host an orphan-run circus (Medium)
Pooh Daddy: Applying to be Daddy Warbucks’ assistant (Medium)
Champjagne Austgin: Kept singing along (Hard)
Velma Jenkies: Got sick of "Maybe" by the third reprise (Hard)
Big Moose: Watched this movie for the first time (Hard)
Seb: Newly appointed video editor (Medium)
It’s a family-friendly hit…or is it? Let’s play the Annie drinking game!
Krissy Pappau: Forgot about half these songs (Medium)
The Fuzzy Masked Man: Amazed at the amount of panty shots (Easy)
Some Guy: Believes Hannigan missed an opportunity to host an orphan-run circus (Medium)
Pooh Daddy: Applying to be Daddy Warbucks’ assistant (Medium)
Champjagne Austgin: Kept singing along (Hard)
Velma Jenkies: Got sick of "Maybe" by the third reprise (Hard)
Big Moose: Watched this movie for the first time (Hard)
Seb: Newly appointed video editor (Medium)
It’s a family-friendly hit…or is it? Let’s play the Annie drinking game!
Beyond the Song and Dance
"This is actually a very racy PG movie," Champjagne Austgin commented as we began. Annie sort of has a reputation for being the most sacchrine of musicals. With lyrics like "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow", it's not hard to understand why. The movie oozes sweetness. God, the main character is a rambunctious ten year old girl. With a dog. How much cuter can you get?
Uhh...somebody call the cops? Anyone?
Shit gets real very quickly in this movie. I remember watching the made for TV remake a lot in my childhood, and the orphans were very cute. Yeah, they were unhappy. Ms. Hannigan was very mean. Warbucks' mansion was suitably magical. It's what you think of when you think of the musical: safe, cheerful entertainment with catchy songs.
This movie doesn't do that. And I think that's the problem most people had with it.
Let's take a look at "Hard Knock Life" for a second.
This movie doesn't do that. And I think that's the problem most people had with it.
Let's take a look at "Hard Knock Life" for a second.
First of all, LISTEN to the way that song's arranged. There's this creepy staccato violin happening in the background, and while the orphans are singing in a major key, the orchestration is in a minor key most of the time. Right away the music is telling us that there's something wrong with this place.
Next, look at the SHEER AMOUNT of orphans in this place. We can tell that the orphanage takes up a couple floors, and there's already no space for all the girls on screen. There are at least fifty of them, and they're all yelling, falling down, fighting each other, and doing a really bad job of keeping the place clean.
This sense of chaos doesn't go away, and the movie seems like it's trying to accurately show the conditions of this piss-poor orphanage and the effect it has on these girls. In a later scene when the youngest orphan overhears Ms Hannigan and her new partners in crime discussing a plan to kidnap Annie, we see one of the older girls ON THE TOILET right in front of her. The place feels like a prison. These girls are unsocialized, mistreated and running wild.
However, the biggest sign of the long-term effects of living in this craphole is the behavior of Annie herself. We get the sense straight off that she's tough, and seems to have a kind heart. She punches a boy in the face when she sees him mistreating a dog, who she later names Sandy and turns into her pet. But in the following scene, she blatantly lies to a dogcatcher, saying that Sandy is her father's seeing eye dog and that without him her father can't work.
What's scary is not the lie, it's how easily and quickly it comes to her. "She's not even blinking," pointed out Seb. Annie has no problem deceiving authority figures, and when she meets Warbucks she proves skilled at manipulating him as well. Her powers of persuasion aren't based on charm; her voice takes on a steely tone and her eyes become wide and staring. These are the tactics of a girl who is used to dominating authority figures and manipulating them into serving her needs. It probably doesn't help matters that when she gets taken into Warbucks' house the staff treats her like royalty.
Next, look at the SHEER AMOUNT of orphans in this place. We can tell that the orphanage takes up a couple floors, and there's already no space for all the girls on screen. There are at least fifty of them, and they're all yelling, falling down, fighting each other, and doing a really bad job of keeping the place clean.
This sense of chaos doesn't go away, and the movie seems like it's trying to accurately show the conditions of this piss-poor orphanage and the effect it has on these girls. In a later scene when the youngest orphan overhears Ms Hannigan and her new partners in crime discussing a plan to kidnap Annie, we see one of the older girls ON THE TOILET right in front of her. The place feels like a prison. These girls are unsocialized, mistreated and running wild.
However, the biggest sign of the long-term effects of living in this craphole is the behavior of Annie herself. We get the sense straight off that she's tough, and seems to have a kind heart. She punches a boy in the face when she sees him mistreating a dog, who she later names Sandy and turns into her pet. But in the following scene, she blatantly lies to a dogcatcher, saying that Sandy is her father's seeing eye dog and that without him her father can't work.
What's scary is not the lie, it's how easily and quickly it comes to her. "She's not even blinking," pointed out Seb. Annie has no problem deceiving authority figures, and when she meets Warbucks she proves skilled at manipulating him as well. Her powers of persuasion aren't based on charm; her voice takes on a steely tone and her eyes become wide and staring. These are the tactics of a girl who is used to dominating authority figures and manipulating them into serving her needs. It probably doesn't help matters that when she gets taken into Warbucks' house the staff treats her like royalty.
Yes, KNEEL! KNEEL BEFORE ANNIE!
None of this would have been as believable, however, if it hadn't been for Carol Burnett's masterful turn as Ms. Hannigan. Kathy Bates did a great job with the part, but it's not enough for Hannigan to be mean. Burnett's Hannigan is just plain sad.
"She understands that she's a sad, lonely woman who just needs a good fuck," put in The Fuzzy Masked Man. Hannigan cannot maintain control over these children because she can no longer hold any control over herself. She's a raging alcoholic, to the point where she has an entire bathtub full of liquor in her room. She spends her time fantasizing about falling in love with radio stars. She tries, and fails, to sleep with every man she sees (including a really awkward song where she tries to seduce Warbucks). And in "Little Girls" it's made clear that the children are tormenting her almost as much as she's tormenting them. The girls think she's a joke. And rightly so.
So this sounds like a really interesting take on the show, right? It could be...if it was a convincingly consistent choice. So much of the rest of the move is goofy and pointless, and it undercuts what could be a really compelling look at child abuse. It pulls back too much, or pushes the narrative to the brink of cartoonish nonsense, even shoe-horning in a pretty silly climax where Annie's chased to the top of a building and rescued BY HELICOPTER by a character who isn't even in the stage musical.
"She understands that she's a sad, lonely woman who just needs a good fuck," put in The Fuzzy Masked Man. Hannigan cannot maintain control over these children because she can no longer hold any control over herself. She's a raging alcoholic, to the point where she has an entire bathtub full of liquor in her room. She spends her time fantasizing about falling in love with radio stars. She tries, and fails, to sleep with every man she sees (including a really awkward song where she tries to seduce Warbucks). And in "Little Girls" it's made clear that the children are tormenting her almost as much as she's tormenting them. The girls think she's a joke. And rightly so.
So this sounds like a really interesting take on the show, right? It could be...if it was a convincingly consistent choice. So much of the rest of the move is goofy and pointless, and it undercuts what could be a really compelling look at child abuse. It pulls back too much, or pushes the narrative to the brink of cartoonish nonsense, even shoe-horning in a pretty silly climax where Annie's chased to the top of a building and rescued BY HELICOPTER by a character who isn't even in the stage musical.
We're going to have a long talk about Punjab.
Inconsistancy is the bane of most bad movies. And this movie is the very definition of "inconsistent."
What a Twist
Albert Finney plays one of the most iconic rich men in movie history: Daddy Warbucks. A sometimes ruthless war profitear, Warbucks likes to flaunt his riches and his connections beyond the pale. Who else would exclusively hire maids and butlers who can burst out into perfect choreography at a moment’s notice? Who else would spend his spare time throwing festivals with guests such as Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt?
"Does he do any work?" - Velma Jenkies
Annie comes to live with Warbucks because he needs an orphan to stay in his house for a week to show that he’s a kind, compassionate man. This ends up working out, because Annie helps him become a kind, compassionate man (in the span of a week) and teaches him how to have fun. Which is an impressive feat, considering that this man positively hissed at a reporter during his first scene of the movie.
At one point, we discovered that Warbucks’ first name is “Oliver”, and we were reminded of another famous orphan with a musical based around his adventures. Suddenly, Big Moose bolted upright in his seat.
“Guys”, he said with excitement, “Oliver Warbucks IS Oliver!”
At one point, we discovered that Warbucks’ first name is “Oliver”, and we were reminded of another famous orphan with a musical based around his adventures. Suddenly, Big Moose bolted upright in his seat.
“Guys”, he said with excitement, “Oliver Warbucks IS Oliver!”
You've come a long way, kid.
We thought about it for a second, and the theory is actually fairly sound. Oliver came into a lot of cash at the end of his musical, so what better way to spend it than to come to America and turn his money into even more money? The timeframe of both shows is a stretch, but it could have happened…if Warbucks was in his nineties when he adopted Annie
Sir, I must say you've aged incredibly well
We dismissed the theory. Until Warbucks proposes adoption to Annie (he even gets down on one knee, it’s darling), but prefaces it by referencing his previous life in a LIVERPOOL SWEATSHOP.
So, the only logical conclusion we can draw is that Warbucks is a vampire. Which makes EVERYTHING make more sense.
So, the only logical conclusion we can draw is that Warbucks is a vampire. Which makes EVERYTHING make more sense.
"He's on so much cocaine!" -Seb
Punjab
In a scene mid-way through the movie, we get acquainted with the fact that Warbucks is an unpopular man, to the point where terrorists come to his house and try to kill him with cartoony-ass bombs. Luckily, he has some pretty great bodyguards: an Asian chauffer who also knows karate, and an Indian (I think) man with hypnotic powers and a killer left hook known as Punjab.
So yeah, the movie’s got some pretty racist elements. Their presence isn’t really strange; it’s a period piece set in the Depression and filmed in the 80’s. And hey, as the Fuzzy Masked Man pointed out, at least the Asian Chauffer is being played by an actual Asian actor. Even if weird, ping-pongy music plays every time he’s on screen.
No, it’s not the racism itself that’s strange, but the fact that it’s really out of nowhere, and not in the musical. Punjab is a character from the original comic strip that Annie is based on, and I guess they must have thrown him into the movie to appeal to the older fans of the strip. The problem with this is that they have to invent things for Punjab to do. Otherwise, he’s just kind of hanging around being a stereotype.
So yeah, the movie’s got some pretty racist elements. Their presence isn’t really strange; it’s a period piece set in the Depression and filmed in the 80’s. And hey, as the Fuzzy Masked Man pointed out, at least the Asian Chauffer is being played by an actual Asian actor. Even if weird, ping-pongy music plays every time he’s on screen.
No, it’s not the racism itself that’s strange, but the fact that it’s really out of nowhere, and not in the musical. Punjab is a character from the original comic strip that Annie is based on, and I guess they must have thrown him into the movie to appeal to the older fans of the strip. The problem with this is that they have to invent things for Punjab to do. Otherwise, he’s just kind of hanging around being a stereotype.
Punjab is watching you. Always watching.
So they try making him a comic relief character. He puts Sandy in a trance at one point. He uses his mystical powers to levitate some crap. He heals Warbucks’ busted leg. But Punjab takes himself way too seriously for this to really come off as funny. He’s not a goofy character, at least this movie incarnation of him isn’t. So all these scenes do is highlight his uselessness.
About halfway through the movie they seem to realize this, because the film goes through great pains to make him a champion of justice in the climax. He actually saves Annie by flying a helicopter to her location, unraveling his turban and hoisting her up to safety.
About halfway through the movie they seem to realize this, because the film goes through great pains to make him a champion of justice in the climax. He actually saves Annie by flying a helicopter to her location, unraveling his turban and hoisting her up to safety.
"He's forsaking his native heritage to become an American!" -Pooh Daddy
But we still don’t quite buy it. The ending is incredibly contrived, and Punjab’s involvement in the climax is forced. His presence in the movie makes it a worse movie. And it’s not Punjab’s fault that he’s written as a shallow stereotype. But the director is at fault for insisting on using a character that clearly doesn’t belong in this story in order to get some cheap yuks and give a shout out to the older fans of the comic. Racism isn’t okay, but LAZY racism is even worse.
Sorry movie. You’re great at parties, but this is why nobody likes you.
Sorry movie. You’re great at parties, but this is why nobody likes you.
The Results
We still really enjoyed this movie, and had a great time drinking to it. Overall it’s good harmless fun, that really only fails by trying to outdo the source material. But of course we thought of some great rules we could have used instead.
Drink whenever someone kisses something.
It’s usually not a person. It’s usually something like a wad of bills, or the dog. But there’s a whole lot of love going around.
Drink whenever someone punches something.
Kissing and punching can go hand in hand. We just never expected Annie to be the movie where both of these rules could be used at the same time.
Drink when Ms Hannigan tries to seduce someone.
From Mr. Bundles to Daddy Warbucks, Hannigan tries and fails to snag a man, any man, who will give her the time of day. As far as we know, she doesn’t succeed, but she does get some cotton candy at the end of the movie.
Drink whenever someone kisses something.
It’s usually not a person. It’s usually something like a wad of bills, or the dog. But there’s a whole lot of love going around.
Drink whenever someone punches something.
Kissing and punching can go hand in hand. We just never expected Annie to be the movie where both of these rules could be used at the same time.
Drink when Ms Hannigan tries to seduce someone.
From Mr. Bundles to Daddy Warbucks, Hannigan tries and fails to snag a man, any man, who will give her the time of day. As far as we know, she doesn’t succeed, but she does get some cotton candy at the end of the movie.
"Why does SHE get nice things?" -Some Guy
Thanks for reading, everyone! This game was just swell. And it’s gotten us wanting to watch some other children’s classics.
We couldn't find any, so we're watching Horton Hears a Who instead.
Like what you see? Follow us on Facebook and Twitter, at For Your Inebriation and @KrissyPappau respectively. You'll get weekly updates, behind the scenes drunk talk, and other chatter!
For Your Inebriation is written by Krissy Pappau (Hollis Beck). Video footage is taken and edited by Seb (Amy Yourd). All "Annie" related photos are owned by Sony Pictures and Colombia Pictures.
For Your Inebriation is written by Krissy Pappau (Hollis Beck). Video footage is taken and edited by Seb (Amy Yourd). All "Annie" related photos are owned by Sony Pictures and Colombia Pictures.
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