Turns out that after the soul-crushing horror that was "Passion of the Christ," not too many people were into that particular idea. And I realize that today is the first day of summer. So for the next four weeks, to celebrate the new season, we'll be taking a look at some of our favorite movies and television shows that have to do with travel and adventure! Because there's no better way to celebrate summer than packing into a car and going wherever the road takes you, whether you're setting out on a quest or just rolling around.
Memento's day will come. And that day will be sweet. But will it be as sweet as a delicious burger from White Castle?
Yeah, probably. Those things are just okay.
"Harold and Kumar Drink at White Castle": The Rules
1. Drink for Title Drops. Not only the full title, but every time someone says "Harold" "Kumar" or "White Castle".
2. Drink for Daddy Issues. Wasn't expecting it, but surprisingly, they're there.
3. Drink when they drink.
4. Drink whenever someone does something illegal. Weed isn't legal in the state of New Jersey.
5. Drink whenever something takes our heroes off-course.
6. Drink whenever a white guy says something offensive or derogatory.
Play this game drinking a large milkshake with two shots in it.
All of the above rules apply.
Play this game drinking a large milkshake with three shots in it.
All of the above rules apply.
Play this game drinking a large milkshake with four shots in it.
Our onscreen players are Krissy (me), Shirley Whiskas, and Carra Geenen. We talked about what we like to eat when we have the munchies.
Flux: Will never drink a milkshake again. (Easy)
Some Guy: Still scarred by "Passion of the Christ." (Medium)
Velma Jenkies: He didn't have a clue what was in store for him playing this game (Hard)
This is the stoner comedy that rocked our generation. But does it hold up? Let's find out!
Battling the Milkshakes
The smart way to make drinks for this game would have been to buy the ingredients for milkshakes and effortlessly blend in the alcohol of our choice along with everything else. That way the liquor would have been spread evenly through the creamy goodness, and all would have been well.
What we did INSTEAD was buy pre-made milkshakes at our nearby fast food joint and poured the shots on top of them.
First of all, this was very messy. The milkshakes were thick and filled to the brim, so we either had to drink a bunch right away or empty some of the drink out before adding the shots. Didn't realize that until my first attempt at making my drink resulted in a sticky mess on my tablecloth.
Secondly, we learned that liquor is denser than milkshake. All the shots would sink to the bottom of the drink, so each player would be fine until the drink was mostly gone. Then they'd be left with a syrupy, drunken mess at the bottom of their cup. For easy mode, this is fine. If you are playing on hard mode like Shirley and Velma were, this is unbearable. Neither of them finished their drinks.
"I. Feel. Sick." Flux's statement was met with murmurs of assent after the movie was done. I was the only one to finish my milkshake, and the next morning my stomach felt like it was about to pop.
So learn from us, friends. Research proper preparation before getting fancy with any kind of alcoholic beverage. Or pay the price.
Oh Man, 2004...
Travelling back to 2004 was nostalgic for all of us. We were teenagers when this movie came out, and watching this movie was like peering into the looking glass. You don't realize how much difference a near decade makes until you see reminders of it in film.
For instance, the fare for the toll Harold and Kumar run through on their way to Cherry Hill? Thirty-Five cents. That can't even buy gum today.
Ryan Reynolds is in this film, and this is before he was a big deal. Watching his performance makes me wish he did broad comedy more often.
I feel like I'm forgetting something, though...something that made this movie really important....
The Real Reason We're Watching this Movie
Neil Patrick Harris hadn't had a major television or movie spot since his child actor days as little Dougie Howser, and this was the first time he'd gotten major exposure to the general public as an adult. Unless you're a theater performer, and then you're all like "Dude, he's been around. You just haven't been paying attention."
Anyway, this hilariously off-color scene in which he encourages our young heroes to abandon their quest for pussy before stealing their car launched his career into a completely awesome direction. It's not enough to say he was back in the spotlight. He became an ICON, and every time we think to ourselves "Man, NPH might just overstay his welcome soon," he does something so mindblowingly cool that we're reminded exactly why he's so overexposed. The man fucking deserves it. Magic, singing, dancing, TV, parenting...he rocks it all, and he does it with style.
And it was this part, this twenty-line part in a stoner comedy, that propelled him back into our hearts. So thank you, Harold and Kumar. Thank you. We didn't know what we were missing until you gave it to us.
Fun with Broomsticks
"Velma," I said cautiously, "Watcha doin?"
He looked up, realized what was going on, and said shamefacedly, "I'm sorry. I'm very drunk."
Velma played on hard mode, on his first time at For Your Inebriation, on a VERY difficult game. And he managed to make an outstanding first impression. Let's give him a round of applause, because THAT is how it's done.
What Killed Us
Firstly, the Title Drops rule held us under its iron grip throughout the movie. "White Castle" being the goal of the journey and "Harold and Kumar" being our protagonists, names get tossed around a lot. And it never lets up.
Then, there's the "off course" rule, which helped us along periodically during less talky scenes. This journey is by no means a straight line, and each leg takes up at least ten minutes of time. That's at least ten drinks added to your tally when all is said and done.
Then there's the "breaking the law" rule, which is barely even fair considering the other rules in this game. Even if you don't count pot smoking, Harold and Kumar could get arrested for many other crimes, including destruction of property, refusal to pay at a toll, grand theft auto, assault on a police officer, impersonating medical personnel...the list goes on.
There's only one scene that doesn't follow any of the rules we set, and it comes about halfway through the movie.
Drink every time you want to pinch John Cho's cheeks.
John Cho is adorbs in this movie. His character arc involves him becoming a man and learning to stand up for himself, and hey, even relax a little bit now and then. Who can't get behind a guy like that?
Drink for fantasy sequences.
These are mostly also John Cho's fantasies, but there's a bunch of trippy crap going on in Harold and Kumar's heads. Drink whenever the movie lets us in on their breaks from reality.
Drink whenever we run into their neighbors.
There's actually a parallel story going on alongside Harold and Kumar's. Their friends are trying desperately to get to Hot Dog Heaven at the same time they're travelling to White Castle. Drink for the reminder that life is a journey and we all travel along our own roads.
For Your Inebriation is written by Krissy Pappau (Hollis Beck). Video footage is taken by Pooh Daddy (Vincent Graham) and edited by Seb (Amy Yourd). All "Harold and Kumar" images are owned by New Line Cinema