Coming Soon to Netflix
What's that? You never watched this show?
Well, you have plenty of time to catch up. With only three seasons, the last of which is technically a half season, up on Netflix, you have no reason to dawdle. This show is genius, in a way that few shows have managed to emulate. The jokes come so quickly, the twists come so out of nowhere, the humor is SO absurd. The ties the show holds to reality, while slim, are tight, which keeps it from flying completely off the rails. It anticipates jokes made at its expense before they happen. As the Fuzzy Masked Man says, "There's just nothing to make fun of."
There's no guarantee that my rules will work for season 4. But I'm sure as hell going to have fun seeing for myself.
"Arrested for Drunk Driving": The Rules
1. Drink for Title Drops. That's every time someone says "Arrested Development". The title and ending credits count.
2. Drink when They Drink. They drink a lot.
3. Drink for Daddy Issues. Wait for it...
4. Pick a Bluth. Drink when their name is said.
5. Drink whenever Tobias does something gay.
6. Drink when the show gets all meta-theatrical. Watch out for the third season, that'll kick your ass.
All of the above rules apply. Also...
1. Drink for Title drops. Drink for any play on the word "arrest".
2. Drink whenever Gob messes up a trick. Illusion. Whatever.
3. Drink when someone says "No touching!"
4. Drink when someone makes a reference to Charles Schultz' "Peanuts".
5. Drink whenever you see the stair car.
All of the above rules apply. Also...
1. Daddy Issues: Drink also for Mommy Issues.
2. Drink whenever a Bluth spends money they don't have.
3. Drink whenever someone says "Her?"
4. Drink when a phrase or joke is used in more than one episode that you watch during your game. No cheating.
5. Drink for banners.
The Fuzzy Masked Man: Still laughing about the banners (Easy)
Daku: First time player, long time watcher (Easy)
Flux: First time watcher, long time player (Hard)
Have we made a huge mistake with this drinking game? Let's find out!
A Brief Admission
I basically cherry-picked the list, using my favorite jokes and those that occur most often. Then I added the rule about a joke recurring in another episode watched during the course of the game.
Here are all of the phrases and gags that we caught during our game.
Model home falling apart
“Say goodbye to these!”
footage not found
“A lot of love”
"I've made a huge mistake"
Buster's lost hand,
“Don't call it that”
Never nude (dozens of us!)
A Bluth imitating a chicken sound
Oscar's the father music
"The fact that you call it that means you're not ready."
Boy, that's a long list. Why did I go through the trouble of listing all of those brilliant gags, especially since it'll just seem like gibberish to those who haven't watched the show?
Because we watched five randomly selected episodes of Arrested Development, and NONE of these gags were repeated.
It's true. Maybe we just got lucky. But in two hours of game play, we never used this rule. More often than not, a joke would get used over and over again within the one episode. To be fair, the episodes we watched were spread pretty evenly throughout the series, so maybe they tend to cluster more than I thought. Additional playthroughs of this game are needed.
I AM GOING TO BE PLAYING THIS GAME SO MUCH.
George Michael Cera
Enter Michael and George Michael Bluth. George Michael is a woobie played by young Michael Cera ("He definitely has a type" commented Daku), who is constantly living in fear of letting his father down, as he holds him as the example of decent human behavior. Michael, meanwhile, is constantly trying to make sure his son doesn't get screwed up the way he did as a child, but ends up alternately smothering and ignoring him due to the drama going on with the rest of the family. They're never sure of each other, and it usually takes huge gestures or discoveries (such as George Michael finding his old childhood drawings in Michael's office in "Staff Infection") to keep themselves certain that their feelings are getting across. But it never lasts.
This is a less dramatic but more common example of father-son behavior that exists in real life. Parents generally want to do right by their children, and invariably mess things up once in a while. Children, meanwhile, want their parents love and affection, but also want to begin the process of becoming adult and independent, which in turn reminds the parents that they are "running out of time" to do all they feel they can do for their children. This kind of problem shows that conflict doesn't always have to involve anger or screaming fights. Sometimes conflict involves a single misplaced word, or an admission that changes the context of the relationship.
We appreciated the show acknowledging that source of conflict. We drank for George Michael bailing on a TV date with his father to go on a real date with Anne ("Her?" Drink twice!). We drank for Michael walking in on his son reading a letter about him that was actually based on Tobias and assuming his son hated his guts. We drank for Michael trying to guilt-trip George Michael into fleeing the state with him. Issues, one and all. This rule gets more and more interesting.
Journey of Discovery
"Wait, what channel was this on?" she asked.
"Fox likes to destroy good things," explained Seb.
The kicker came when we watched through "Meat the Veals" and she saw Oscar for the first time.
"Wait," said Flux, "Now he's out of jail and has long hair. What's going on?"
Actually, I explained, that's George Sr's twin brother, Oscar. He's a pothead and has been sleeping on and off with Lucille. He's Buster's real father.
"Oh my God," she said, her face splitting into a grin, "I love this show."
Guys, it may be ten years too late, but we've got another fan!
Speaking of Oscar
What I didn't reckon on was that Maeby joins a film studio as an aspiring young executive, and that one episode "S.O.B's" revolves around getting famous people to donate to their cause. The word "Oscar" is thrown around quite a lot. I had to drink all those times.
...My plan didn't work.
Cheaters Never Prosper
We watched the episode "Staff Infection", in which Michael realizes that all of his siblings are on payroll for the Bluth company without actually doing any work for it. I started drinking, because I realized the episode revolved around the Bluths spending money they didn't have.
"No," said Seb, "They're all trying to get money. They're not spending any."
"But the company's spending money on them," I logicked.
"Krissy," said Seb. "What does your rule say?"
Drink whenever a Bluth spends money they don't have.
Thanks for having my back, Seb. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. Real sorry.
Drink whenever Gob feels inferior.
Gob is the eldest son, but he sure doesn't act like it. He was raised to expect everything and wound up with nothing, and he expresses his dissatisfaction often.
Drink when a Bluth flirts with incest.
George Michael and Maeby, of course, cross this line all the time, but a huge plot point in the third season raises the stakes a bit. And if you count brothers-in-law as family, the rule gets even harder.
Whenever a Bluth says something factually incorrect.
This could involve a Bluth lying outright, or saying something they think is true and...just isn't. Not the brightest bunch.
As we eagerly await the new episodes, we also slowly leave television month. Our closing show will involve another classic American family.
For Your Inebriation is written by Krissy Pappau (Hollis Beck). Video footage is taken by Pooh Daddy (Vincent Graham) and edited by Seb (Amy Yourd). All "Arrested Development" images are owned by 20th Century Fox